“That was my Girl, Interrupted real life,” Ryder told Harper’s Bazaar in an interview released Tuesday. Ryder and Depp first met in 1989 when she was just 17 years old and he was 25. Five months after their first date, they got engaged, but broke up in 1993 before walking down the aisle. The breakup was hard on the Beetlejuice star. “I remember, I was playing this character who ends up getting tortured in a Chilean prison [the 1994 film The House of the Spirits]," Ryder recalled. “I would look at these fake bruises and cuts on my face [from the shoot], and I would struggle to see myself as this little girl. ‘Would you be treating this girl like you’re treating yourself?’ I remember looking at myself and saying, ‘This is what I’m doing to myself inside.’ Because I just wasn’t taking care of myself.” Ryder worked with a therapist to feel like herself again after the split, but also credits Michelle Pfeiffer, with whom she starred in The Age of Innocence, for helping her move forward. I remember Michelle being like, ‘This is going to pass,’” Ryder said. “But I couldn’t hear it.” She added, “I’ve never talked about it. There’s this part of me that’s very private. I have such, like, a place in my heart for those days. But for someone younger who grew up with social media, it’s hard to describe.” Ryder previously opened up to Elle (via StyleCaster) about the impact Depp had on her life. “When I met Johnny, I was pure virgin,” she confessed. “He changed that. He was my first everything. My first real kiss. My first real boyfriend. My first fiancé. The first guy I had sex with. So he’ll always be in my heart. Forever. Kind of funny, that word.” Ryder later released a statement amid Depp’s legal battles with ex-wife Amber Heard saying that the Oscar nominee never abused her. In a later interview with Time, she expounded on her stance and was careful to note that she didn’t necessarily believe Heard was falsifying her abuse allegations. “He was never that way towards me. Never abusive at all towards me. I only know him as a really good, loving, caring guy who is very protective of the people he loves,” she said. “I wasn’t there. I don’t know what happened. I’m not calling anyone a liar. I’m just saying, it’s difficult and upsetting for me to wrap my head around it.” Next, look back at Johnny Depp’s wives and girlfriends through the years.