Selwa Berbawy Hamati, author of Real Resilience: How to Thrive in the New Normal, has written books that inspire and share practical tools with those who are ready to make a positive change in their lives. “Many people have already headed in a new direction, and this pandemic has turned into an opportunity to reinvent themselves by changing their daily routines, priorities, and businesses or careers,” says Hamati. She explains that post-COVID, there will be other hurdles to overcome and it’s important for women to learn how to be confident, resilient and prepared to handle whatever happens.
How to be a confident woman
1. Know your stuff
Confidence comes from knowing your area of expertise so thoroughly that you speak about it with complete certainty and unwavering knowledge. Research shows that planning and preparing for the unknown is an important factor in developing self-confidence. This is one of the easiest signs to spot in a confident woman, says Hamati.
2. Hold your head high
Even when you’re feeling a little wobbly, Hamati recommends using your body language to convey the opposite—stand up straight, hold your head high, ground yourself and just look the part.
3. Start with small, achievable goals
In his book Springboard: Launching Your Personal Search for Success, G. Richard Shell notes that Olympic athletes train in a way that accumulates small wins and slowly builds confidence in their abilities. Smart women can similarly use this technique to boost confidence over time by setting small but achievable goals—then build on those successes.
4. Dress the part
Our clothes can actually increase our confidence when we feel good in them, notes Hamati. Think about how you feel when you go to a job interview in a nice suit. Dress for the job you want.
5. Take care of your body and health
When you feel and look good, you are more confident. The Mayo Clinic recommends harnessing the power of your thoughts and actions to raise your self-esteem—practicing regular self-care and safeguarding your mental health are two important steps in building and maintaining self-confidence, as are getting enough sleep and exercise.
6. Spend more time with other confident women
Surrounding yourself with positive people can boost your self-esteem, and in turn your self-confidence. You will feel empowered around like-minded people, says Hamati.
7. Be aware of your surroundings and navigate the world with mindfulness
Mindfulness is an activity in which you “purposely live in the moment and experience that moment with all your senses.” When you’re present and in the moment, you will naturally exude confidence.
8. You do you
Confident women don’t care about labels or logos, but create their own style and aesthetic, says Eileen Scully, founder of The Rising Tides and author of In the Company of Men. Scully focuses on advancing women in the workplace through her work and as an international keynote speaker; she frequently writes about confident women and she talks with women all over the world about leadership and confidence.
9. Be passionate
Being passionate about a subject will naturally increase your confidence, according to Hamati. You can’t be passionate and weak—the two don’t go together.
10. Live your life your way
Just being happy and enjoying your life builds self-esteem and self-worth.
11. Try new things
It’s very empowering and exciting to try out the unknown, says Hamati. Once you’ve done so many things, you will feel more confident and can discuss them from experience.
12. Empower yourself no matter what the situation
Hamati notes that you should take charge and not let other people make your decisions for you—this counts in both your professional and personal lives.
13. Be fearless and bold
Taking risks is part of being confident. As Adele says, “Be brave and fearless to know that even if you do make a wrong decision, you’re making it for good reason.” Facing your fears is a research-backed way to boost your self-confidence.
14. Say yes, but also know to say no when it doesn’t work for you
Saying no can sometimes be even harder than saying yes. But the ability to create boundaries will make you feel proud, especially if you’re good at holding the line, according to Hamati.
15. Stay positive
Just the act of being positive creates an air of confidence.
16. Take charge
When it comes to your personal life and perhaps dating, put yourself in charge and know you’re doing the picking not the other way around. That attitude will give you an air of confidence, according to Hamati.
17. Lift up other women
Confident women are always lifting up other women, according to Scully. Helping others achieve their dream shows you’re empowered.
18. Fearlessly go it alone
Scully finds that confident women can walk into any room alone and walk out with several new acquaintances.
19. Adopt a growth and learners mindset
Confident women are always learning. They don’t have to always talk or be the center of attention. They know they can learn valuable lessons from others. This advice is backed by research—Carol Dweck found that having a “growth mindset” helps people more fully reach their potential.
20. Instill the habits of confident women in your daughters
Confident women raise daughters who make their own decisions, make their own money and make their own mistakes, says Scully. Know the habits and signs of confident girls, and help instill them in your daughters from birth—and particularly after puberty.
21. Choose your friends wisely
Just as you should surround yourself with other confident women and positive people, Scully notes that confident women are not brought down by others. Confident women know when to walk away from people who bring them down, without apologizing.
22. Define your terms
Define yourself by your own assessment of your worth and work—don’t allow others to define it for you.
23. Ask questions
Admit when you don’t know something, so you can learn and grow. You can’t truly take a learner’s approach to the world until you are willing to admit where you lack knowledge and fill in the gaps, notes Scully. Next up: Boost your confidence (and change your life) with these 50 positive affirmations.
Sources
Selwa Berbawy Hamati, author of Real Resilience: How to Thrive in the New NormalEileen Scully, founder of The Rising Tides and author of In the Company of MenSpringboard: Launching Your Personal Search for Success by G. Richard ShellBMC Psychology: “On the use of exposure therapy in the treatment of anxiety disorders: a survey among cognitive behavioural therapists in the Netherlands"Journal of Perinatal Education: “Building Confidence"Mayo Clinic: “Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself"International Journal of Behavioral Medicine: “Optimism and Self-Esteem Are Related to Sleep. Results from a Large Community-Based Sample"Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment: “Physical activity and self-esteem: testing direct and indirect relationships associated with psychological and physical mechanisms"Farnam Street: “Carol Dweck: A Summary of Growth and Fixed Mindsets"The Atlantic: “How Puberty Kills Girls’ Confidence”
